Simply put, and super generalized, swinging is a practice where people in a relationship “swap” partners or have sex with other people in a relationship for the purpose of sexual satisfaction. Typically, a couple and another couple with swap partners and have sex, either in the same room or separately. This can be done in the context of a casual or ongoing swap, or at a party-type scene. Moving from monogamy into swinging can often take a lot of time, communication, negotiating and scary first steps.
Now, not all swinging involves sex, and not all swinging involves all partners being involved. There are many ways to go about swinging, which really opens up the possibilities for everyone interested in exploring this. Like most every social concept, swinging exists on a spectrum or scale, and isn’t this or that (binary). This means swinging isn’t just “sex with another couple” or nothing at all, but there are countless options that exist in between and even past these options. Part of the excitement of negotiating what this would be desirable for YOU is navigating this with your partner/s.
Enthusiastic Involvement Required
One major point I want to make, this is something everyone within your relationship needs to be on board with. Much like open/monogamish relationships, if one person wants this sexual freedom outside of their relationship, the other person/people within that relationship need to be on board in more than a placating sort of way. If you are engaging in open relationship behaviours and one person is just going along with it for fear of losing their significant other, you have much more negotiating and communication to be doing, and opening a relationship is still miles down the road from where you are at. Maybe start the conversation with compatibility and what you are willing to negotiate.
The swinger community, much like the fetish/kink community, has a set of guidelines and protocols they abide by. Generally, consent and discretion are at the top of the list of important things to ALWAYS be mindful of (let’s be serious though, this shouldn’t just be the standard for swingers and kinky folks). An option for negotiation talks – have a “safe word” with your significant other/s. When someone is uncomfortable, or are being pushed outside of their comfort zone too quickly/too far, have a veto word that halts all activity. Feeling safe is so important.
So if you are thinking about opening your relationship this way, and either need a little guidance, mediation or don’t know where to even start the conversation, always feel free to reach out and connect. I have offices in Kelowna, West Kelowna and Penticton to offer counselling supports in person, as well as online throughout BC. If this is something you are interested in exploring within your relationship, remember this is a lot more common than you are probably aware of, and it is certainly not impossible to explore.