Dating your partner long after the new relationship energy wanes is a great way to keep complacency at bay. Whether you have been together 5 years, 10 years or 40 years it’s important to pay attention to one another, continue to surprise the other, and inspire those “wow” moments from each other.
Day to day life can get monotonous. Many of us get up, go to work, come home, get ready for tomorrow, go to bed and repeat. For those with children, jobs that require travel or anything that pulls your attention away from each other, it just means you have to focus and put more emphasis on dating than those who maybe do not have children/travel etc.
Finding the Excuse
So what about the common reasons why we do not do this. The main one I hear is “we just don’t have the time”. The other common complaint is “we just don’t have the money”. I have some great news. Dating does not need to cost money, nor does it need to eat up a lot of time. Carving out time together is difficult in most relationships, no doubt about that; I know what it is like to feel like you do not have enough hours in a day. What that tells me, is that spending time together is just not the priority.
Do not get me wrong, being busy, having a family, various responsibilities are all priorities. People even have different priorities, which is okay too! Just be sure to talk with your partner regularly to ensure everyone is getting their needs met. Most couples/people in relationships tend to be in those relationships for companionship on some level. Connection is important for human growth, development and success in various facets of life.
Negotiating Needs
Negotiation within a relationship can be tricky at times. Hopefully, this can be a fun conversation to being having with each other. Discussing needs, desires, and paths to improvement should not be about blame or pointing out how each other does not follow through. These conversations can be about creating new patterns/schedules and finding time for electronic free, connection based “us time”. Think of this as another version of self-care that you can do together.
So what are some ideas for inexpensive, time sensitive ways to continue dating your partner? Some of my favourites include getting up a half hour early and having coffee together, spending 5 minutes in the morning telling each other what the other means to them/things they love about the other/are grateful for, and having a favourite TV show to watch together one night a week. The possibilities are endless really.
Take time to think about what YOU need, then ask your partner what THEY need. How can you spend just a little more time connecting with each other this week?