We asked our community to ask us the toughest questions they could when it came to parenting + navigating gender with their children, and this is what we got! Keep reading to see how we’ve answered those questions.
Parent/Caregiver Question: Do you think children feel pressured to choose a gender and, if so, why?
Yes! Social pressures from cisgender and binary transgender people alike are very strong. There are many outspoken trans folks who believe that non-binary genders undermine the validity of transmen and transwomen. There are also many subtle reinforcers of gender that we come across every day, from bathroom signs to store shelves to medical forms. A non-binary person will likely come across some social pressure to identify as either a man or a women any time they leave their house.
Parent/Caregiver Question: In your experience, what would you say is the big difference between being gender fluid and non-binary?
“Non-Binary” can be an umbrella term for anyone outside of the gender binary, or, like in my case, a distinct identity that encompasses the experience of being neither male nor female but a third gender beyond the binary. This is similar to the “agender” identity, agender people feel themselves to be without gender or they reject gender entirely.
“Gender-fluid” people are non-binary, since they do not fit within the gender binary, but more specifically they experience gender fluidly and may identify with different gender identities at different times.
Parent/Caregiver Question: How can I be sure that my child is ready to (medically) transition?
You can only really be as sure as they are, but taking them to multiple professionals can help the whole family explore their gender identity and readiness to transition. Depending on their age, limited options to medically transition may be available to them; for example, in BC the only gender-affirming medical intervention typically available to children younger than 16 is a hormone blocker, something to delay puberty rather than trigger a specific type of puberty. Any sort of gender-affirming surgery is typically only an option for adults over the age of 19.
You can also help them to test their readiness by fully exploring aspects of their social transition, like trying out different names, pronouns, and language with them (following their lead, of course).
For parents/caregivers of trans and gender-nonconforming children, I highly recommend perusing the Trans Care BC website. They have information about every step of your child’s process of gender discovery and affirmation so that you can make informed decisions about your child’s care.