Ahh monogamy. The relationship format many assume everyone subscribes to. The type of relationship that makes up the American Dream, is the societal default and is most acceptable by people. In contrast, let me ask you, have you asked your partner if that is the best fit for them? Have you asked yourself if monogamy is a fit for you?
mo·nog·a·my
məˈnäɡəmē/
noun
- “the practice or state of being married to one person at a time.”
- the practice or state of having a sexual relationship with only one partner.
- the habit of having only one mate at a time.
In a blanket statement, humans are “serial monogamists”. We are single-partner only until a relationship ends, then we seek a new partner to be with. Have you ever asked yourself that question? It seems the default for most people is to assume that everyone is completely monogamous. Much like other important topics a safe partnership explores before diving into forever (having kids, anyone?), relationship format is an extremely important thing to talk about and to know about your partner.
A lot of the infidelity I see in practice is based around this. People seem to almost feel pressured to assume the one-partner-forever lifestyle, when they really, truly do not feel that fits for them. Good news, the world is starting to take notice that not everyone fits into a perfectly square box, and there are lots of other people out there who likely view partnerships the way you do. Below are a handful of quick overviews about the most common non-monogamous relationship types; read this through and see what maybe fits best with you.
Open/Monogamish
Describes a more “blanket term” to multiple formats of relationships. Additionally, terms such as “swinging” or “monogamish” fit into this catgeory. This format of relationship typically involves a “primary” coupleship (2 people) who invite another person in, have negotiated with each other to allow extramarital endeavours, or have complete relationships outside of each other. This allows for needs to be met when someone’s partner cannot fulfill them alone.
Swinging
Generally, this refers to couples having a sexual relationship with another couples. Often times this means changing partners as opposed to a complete four-some. This tends to exist on a spectrum from anonymous/stranger hook-ups to ongoing swinging relationships.
Poly-type
Polygamy is the practice of having more than two people within a relationship. This can be broken down into polyandry (one woman, multiple men) and polygyny (one man, multiple women). This differs from open or swinging relationships in that multiple members are in a relationship with each other. Poly allows people to love (be have love returned by) more than one person, without infidelity.
This piece is meant to give some general information, and hopefully cause some pause. What I hope you gain from this piece is internal reflection. Ask yourself, “what makes sense for me?” and “how has this impacted by past (and current) relationship(s)?” I invite you to sit with yourself and look at these things. Do some reading, talk to people in your life. Self-discovery is a pretty wonderful, albeit challenging, thing.