Do you notice that you are perpetually down on yourself or catch yourself thinking unhelpful thoughts? Perhaps, for you, it’s more expecting the worst to happen or feeling overwhelmed by how big everything feels. This is likely due to very common unhelpful thinking styles many of us are taught to have from a very young age. As we learn or pick up these patterns, they become habits and somethings we tend to not notice all the time. Another term you might have heard for unhelpful thinking styles is “cognitive distortions”. They serve really to reinforce negative emotions and can colour the way we view ourselves, others in our lives, and the world around us.
Labelling “They said something mean to me, they are a jerk”
Generalizing one or two qualities into a negative global judgement. Extreme form of overgeneralizing. Does not describe a specific error but paints with a broad stroke brush of judgement
All or Nothing, Black/White or Polarized Thinking “It isn’t perfect, I have failed”
Everything has to be perfect, or it’s a complete failure; no middle ground. All situations are an either/or with no shades of grey or flexibility. Life seen in extremes.
Disqualifying the Positive “He just said that to be nice”
Focusing only on the negatives and discounting anything good that may be happening.
Catastrophizing or Magnifying “My boss wants to talk to me, I’m going to get fired”
The expectation that a crisis or disaster is imminent. Generally, looks like “what-if” statements and seeking worst case possibilities and focusing on those.
Filtering/Mental Filter “I got a piece of constructive feedback at work, I am terrible at my job”
Taking the negative detail and magnifying those while also filtering out the positives. Can darken or distort reality.
Overgeneralization “Everything is terrible”
Coming to formal conclusions based on limited information. If something bad has happened, it’s going to happen repeatedly. Single instance unpleasant events seen as a part of a never-ending cycle pattern of defeat.
Jumping to Conclusions “They didn’t wave at me across the street, they must be mad at me”
Assuming what another person is thinking/feeling without them actually saying so. Can also be called “mind reading” or fortune telling.
“Should” Statements “I should be working out more”
Judgements on self or others that look like an unalterable list of rules that they or others need to abide by. Often times will cause feelings of guilt if these are not followed. “Must” and “ought to” are similar statements that are also unhelpful.
Emotional Reasoning “I feel stupid and boring, I must BE stupid and boring”
The emotional experience must be the truth. This often will take over the ability to think rationally and logically as it becomes habit.
Personalization “If I hadn’t done this, that would not have happened”
Where the belief is that everything another says or does is a personal or direct reaction to them.
Control Fallacies “Why aren’t you happy, is it something I did?”
Feeling both externally controlled (helpless victim of fate) and internal control (assuming responsibility for the pain and happiness of those around us).
Fallacy of Fairness “I am a good person, why do bad things keep happening to me?”
Feeling resentful when they know what is fair but others do not agree with them. Applying a ruler against all situations and judging “fairness” often times leading to feelings of resentment, anger and hopelessness.
Fallacy of Change “If my partner changes to fit what I need from them, then we will be happy”
A person expects that others will change to suit them simply because they want them to. The root of this can be assuming we need others to suit our needs of them in order for our hopes and dreams to work out.
Heaven’s Reward Fallacy “If I sacrifice now, others will for me later”
Belief that one’s sacrifice and self-denial will eventually be rewarded or will pay off. It is a build from the fallacy of fairness as in a fair world this would likely pay off. Leads to bitterness and resentment when it does not work this way.
Blaming “You’re making me feel …”
Holding others responsible for their emotional plain. Can sometimes also look like always holding themselves accountable for problems, even outside of their control.
Always Being Right “I am right and you are wrong for thinking something differently”
Continuously needing others to defend and prove their opinions and actions as correct. Being wrong is unthinkable; nothing more can or needs to be learned. Will go to great lengths to demonstrate they are right. Regardless of how it happens, will win arguments or dismiss others without conversation.
Most people can identify a good handful of these that they engage in on a regular basis. It’s important to remember that these thoughts are unhelpful and inaccurate. A conversation I have on a frequent basis is that not all thoughts that occur are true. If you are not being critical of the automatic thoughts that pop into your mind, you are subject to everything that is thought of. Most people then will believe every thought that occurs. What ends up happening with that, is our worldview becomes increasingly negative and reactive. We jump to conclusions, see ourselves or others in consistently negative lights and forget to see the good in the world around us.
If you are struggling with any of these unhelpful thinking styles, it might be time for a talk with someone who can guide you through ways to change the thought patterns. Counselling is a great place to start, as we therapists are trained in these concerns from day one. The difference you can start to see in your life just be tackling these patterns can be life changing.